Not To Be Out Done...

The entire office got a big laugh about the letter from the homeowner regarding the "Garbage Gestapo".  This, of course, could not go without a response, so the assistant who works on that property and I crafted the following letter:

Your recent letter to the association is being forwarded to the Association Coalition SWAT Team. They are a very elite group operating undercover. Few, if any, know of their existence. One could be your neighbor, your friend, your mom or dad. Their identity will only be revealed if you are invited to join.

Upon passing your initiation, you must remain anonymous-revealing nothing. No t-shirts with identifying lettering can be worn, no drinking in garages as this brings attention to the team (and that old lady is a blabbermouth), no pillow bags full of door knobs, or socks filled with nickels can be used. These items leave marks. This team prefers more subtle forms of punishment that is unidentifiable and untraceable.

Their main function is to assess the violation, correct the problem and slip away into the night unnoticed. Their target is unaware of their visit but is aware something has happened. If you choose to join the team and successfully pass the initiation process, you will be issued a uniform which may be worn only during “missions”. These uniforms are created to match the exact color scheme of the community so members may move about un-noticed.

This letter is being sent anonymously to protect the innocent and will self destruct once read. If you are selected for membership, a covert group of the selection committee will contact you.