The Snowplows Are Keeping Me Up!

Snow removal companies have guidelines for when they start plowing to make the event as quick and painless as possible. They will usually wait until the snow stops unless it will be a big snowfall, then they will plow the areas twice. Once half way through, and once after the snow has stopped. This, inevitably, results in plowing during the early morning hours so everyone can get out to go to work in the morning.

One morning, I was listening to my voice mail when I first got in at 8:30am. There was a message from a distraught homeowner that went something like this: "It's 12:30 in the morning and the snowplows are keeping me awake. I have a test in the morning and I have to get some sleep. I am going to call the Village because I have a right to 'peaceful enjoyment' of my home and this is a disruption!"

The next voicemail I got was from the same homeowner. "It's now 2:30 in the morning and they are still out there. I need to get my sleep and obviously, calling the management company does NO good!"

I contacted the snow plow operations director and apologized if his guys got the police called on him. He said they didn't. I went about my day and about 4pm, I sent the homeowner an e-mail asking "How did you do on your test?" I got a response the next morning thanking me and telling me the results, but no comment about the snow plows. Being winter in Chicago, it began to snow again that day, but the snowfall lasted a bit longer, so the plows didn't go out until about 4am.

The next morning, I got this voice mail from the same homeowner: "I just wanted to thank you for whatever magic you did. The snow plows came much later this time and they are soooooo much quieter!"

Top Ten Amusing Things Homeowners Say

I frequently get calls from homeowners that just make me want to laugh. This is a compilation of some comments. Management comments are in Italics.

1. I called for service on the master antenna a week ago, why isn't it fixed yet? Ma'am, it is January and there has been ice on the roof for a month.
2. Can you make my neighbors stop opening and closing their garage door?
3. Why isn't the outdoor pool open? I'm sorry Ma'am. It's storming outside right now.
4. Make the landscapers stop using their noisy equipment. I work third shift and I'm trying to sleep.
5. I have moved my car from the driveway. You can come back and plow the snow now. (three days after the last snowfall)
6. When are they going to plow my driveway? I have a meeting at 4pm. It's 9am now and the plows are out there, so I'm sure you will be able to make your meeting.
7. Call the roofer, there's water coming in through my ceiling. What floor do you live on? I live on the first floor of a three story building.
8. Send someone to break off the icicles that have formed on the gutters.
9. I saw a really big Rat! (outside my suburban home) Sir, I can call the animal control company, but the first thing they will ask me is "are you sure it's not an opossum? (dead silence. This has happened more than once and we always agree that they will wait until they see it again and if it really is a rat, they will call me back. They never do.)
10. The gutters you just installed on my building are preventing my flowers from getting water. Can you punch holes in them so they water the flowers? There is no response to this.

How Not to Get Rid of Bees

I got a call from a vendor whom I had sent out on a bee extermination call. He wanted to let me know that this was not your average call. The homeowner had apparently been dealing with these bees for several weeks, if not more.

When the vendor asked the homeowner where the problem was, he was told that the bees had gotten in between the door frame and the siding, but the homeowner had caulked it up. So Ed, the vendor, started pulling away the caulk. Sure enough, bees started coming out. Ed explained to me that when bees start to burrow in, you can't caulk them in, because they will eat their way out another place, such as through the drywall to your home, through the studs, or through another hole in the frame of the door, like they did here.

As Ed was pulling away the caulk, he noticed a piece of paper towel. The homeowner told him that he had originally tried to stop the bees from getting in by putting the paper towel in the hole, but that didn't work, that's why he caulked it. Ok, so the homeowner was trying to handle the problem himself instead of calling us. Nice try.

Ed continued to pull the caulk away and found more paper towels, then he pulled out a piece of newspaper. Ed was getting increasingly frustrated at this point, which is why he called me. He was even more frustrated, unfortunately, when I started laughing uncontrollably as he explained what happened next.

Ed continued spraying the area for the bees and continued to pull out the caulk along with a sock, more paper towels, another sock, and finally, a hunk of 2 x 4. Unfortunately, I added fuel to the fire by laughing so hard. All I could think of was the clown that keeps pulling the handkerchiefs out of his pocket. Anyway, Ed got all the bees, repaired the damage, and the homeowner learned a very valuable lesson about trying to do things on his own. Some people are just more Tim Taylor than Bob Villa. Ed still cringes every time he gets a work order from me.

My Neighbor Says I Can't Smoke in My Own Home!

I got a call from a distressed homeowner. She just moved into her condo and was unsure about the rules. She said her neighbor was upset at her for smoking. She said the man really just doesn't like her and is going to report her to us. Therefore, she wanted to find out what the rules are. I explained the rules about no smoking in common areas. She said she wasn't; she was smoking in her condo. The neighbor complained that when she smoked in her condo, he could smell the smoke in his. (this is highly unlikely due to the way the condos are built). She went on to say that this guy really just didn't like her and was mean and unfriendly from the day she moved in.

I explained to her that I had not gotten any calls of complaint about her and also shared that many people are afraid of change and it takes them a while to get used to new people or events. She felt better about that, but insisted that he was going to call the Village and file a complaint about her and wanted to know what to do if that happened. I explained that he was unlikely to do that, but if he did, she shouldn't worry. If he called the Village asking them to tell her that she couldn't smoke in her home, they would just laugh at him and tell him that he couldn't dance naked in front of his mirror. This made her laugh and relieved some of her stress. According to her, I made her day. I never heard anything more from either homeowner.